THANK YOU FOR OUR MEN

I have spent a great deal of time with friends talking about men, why are they this way or that, why are good ones so hard to find, why are American men so spoiled, self absorbed, etc. Here are another couple reasons that we American women should thank the Lord everyday for our husbands/boyfriends/prospects even if they don’t take you out on a real date and call the very next day.

Reason Number One:
The other day I was cooking and Rhoda (house nanny) noticed a couple red marks on my arm, “Emily! What is that, are you ok!” Oh that, well you see the children here have pretty severe cases of ring worm on their heads. I have contracted it and yes, I have had fungus growing on my arm. But since I have built up somewhat of an immunity, I often have large red marks where the blood is rushing in to ‘attack’ the recent contact with ring worm. At least I think that is what is happening. A few days later we were discussing with Rhoda the reasons why Americans no longer really spank or hit their children. She was completely shocked by the idea that someone would actually consider taking your children away simply b/c you hit them. And then she said, “what about the wife?” I couldn’t figure out what she meant. The wife and husband are the same, it is not good for either to be caught hitting their children.

Rhoda, “No, I mean what if the wife is misbehaving; it is ok for the man to hit her- right?”
Me: “NO!”
Rhoda: “Are you sure. The other day when I saw the red welts on your arm I was certain that Ned had hit you.”
Me: “NO! NEVER!” We told her that instead, we talk about our differences and then hug…like this.
Rhoda: She thought this was pretty funny. “America-this is a good country.”

Reason Number Two:
Rhoda, Baraka (the watchman who is never watching the gate but always sitting on our porch trying to chat), and I were sitting on the porch- chatting. They wanted to know if Ned had taken a girlfriend since we have been here…um no. Baraka said he likes the color of white skin, he wants to get him one of those, do I have any advice for him? If he went to America could I help him find one? Um no. Baraka, it does not really work that way. Besides, what would your wife and three children think of a white woman moving into your one room place? He didn’t understand the question. I tried as hard as I could to explain that this is not acceptable behavior in The States, at least not publicly. That it is even illegal to take more than one wife at a time. They kept pushing and wanted to know ‘what if’. I said that if Ned found himself a girlfriend the first thing I would do is go in our room and take all of his money, credit cards, etc. Second, I would call a cab and be at the airport in 30 minutes. The idea of ME taking HIS money was just too much, they laughed for 10 minutes. I think they want it to happen just so they can sit on the porch and be the ones to actually witness my leaving. Again, Rhoda thought this was really funny, “America, this is a good country.”

“Hey Rhoda”
“Ya?”
“In America there is a public school system and you don’t have to pay tuition for primary/secondary school if you don’t want to.”
“What!!!!! America- I think this is a good country.

Her monthly salary is $90. She has three children, each need $150 every time they have to pay school fees. The boys are in boarding school, but the 12 year old daughter attends day school. Since Rhoda lives here with us, the girl is at home alone, about an hour away. But it is ok, because it is an apartment sort of place and the neighbors are really close…. She says, “This is not good, but this life.”

FISH FOOD

I would LOVE for my sister to be here and have to watch these kids eat their fish. It is kind of a stretch for me to have to cook whole fish in the first place. But they way they eat with their hands and suck every single bone clean is really quite amazing. They eat everything; scales, fins, insides, etc. When Victoria stuck her finger in the eye socket and popped an eyeball into her mouth Ned just looked at me and said, “please go get the camera.”

This is what we started with.


This is what our plates look like when we are finished.

This is Jackie in the process. Nothing is done with the fingertips, she picks up a whole chunk of meat and holds in the palm of her hands.

This is her plate when she is finished.

You know how in cartoons they put a whole fish in their mouth, pull it out by the tail and are left holding a skeleton of a fish? It is pretty much like this, except yesterday Vivi actually ate her chicken bones. SHE ATE HER CHICKEN BONES!

We are going to start working on table manners….

ZOOLANDER IN AFRICA?

Meet Beni, Cory, Simone, Philipo, and Maria. When we were still at the baby home we shared an apartment with other volunteers. One of them brought movies so Ned and I were able to watch Zoolander on our lap top. The very next day we look out the window and saw this….four little boys running around the yard in little girl swimsuits. I think the nannies who dressed them simply didn’t know that girls are supposed to wear ‘costumes’ and boys are just supposed to wear shorts. They were oh so happy running around in their little suites and having a little water fight. Their actions were oh so joyful, light hearted… and gay. I am not exaggerating- it was EXACTLY like the Freak Gasoline Fight Accident scene in Zoolander. This is without a doubt the hardest I have ever laughed in my life. Ever. If you don’t think it is funny maybe you should watch the movie again.

Philipo and Maria went to live in a home for children with HIV. I felt so terrible the day they left. I imagined how scared Paige would be if two people just came and picked her up one day to go and live in a new home. We felt much better after actually seeing them go. Maria got to wear a new dress and pretty shoes as her ‘going away clothes’. Philipo didn’t really care about his going away clothes, he was so darned excited because he got to leave in the back of a gari! A car.

MEET THE CHILDREN

Karen Gibson
DOB August 6, 2001

We suspect Karen is older than what is listed on the intake form, by one or even two years. Karen started first grade this year, but the learning material was not challenging. Her teacher suggested moving her to the second grade, we discussed it with the headmaster and she started her new class that day. We think it will be good for her to be among peers rather than the mother-hen both at home and at school. She learns quickly, is able to write well, read, and can do simple math sums accurately.
The first things we noticed about Karen were her maturity and what a hard worker she is. She is clearly the leader of the group and the rest of the children look up to and listen to her. She has no trouble getting the children to do what she wants; luckily we have not seen her abuse this power. She does have the younger girls washing out her school socks, but they are happy to do it so we have let it slide.

Karen helps with washing dishes, cleaning the house, and bathing the other children. She does not like to go out and play with the others, she would rather stay and ‘help’ us out, but she will go if she is told to because defiance is simply not a part of her nature.

I frequently tell her she is a good girl (because she really really is) and lately she has started parroting, “Emily is a Good Girl.” Each night she says her prays with the maturity of an adult and tries to use as much English as she can. The other day I came down with a fever and she told Ned that she was going to pray for my health…it is enough to make your heart melt!

I often ask her where she learned this or that and she usually replies, “Bibi angu” (her grandmother). I think she misses her Bibi, but I think her Bibi will be very proud of her one day.


Erickson (Erick) Elias
DOB January 6, 2001

Erick is the oldest boy here at Havilah. He began school this year as a kindergartener. We are spending extra time tutoring one of the other children and told him that he is welcome to join, but is also able to go out and play; so far he has chosen to sit at the table and practice his penmanship.

Erick is very giggly and is almost always in a good mood, sometimes so much so that he can hardly contain himself within his long, lanky arms and legs. He always wants to be more involved in what the ‘big kids’ are up to. He likes to watch the older boys play soccer and loves the soccer ball he received for Christmas. Even though it was punctured a while ago, he continues to kick it around every day. Each night he begs to help out in the kitchen, and during bath time he is trying to demonstrate that he is able to bathe himself…we will see.

Every night after diner he says, “Ssank ew verrry much!”


Abdulrabi Asmani
DOB October 13, 2002

Birth Certificate lists father’s surname as Mgunya. Paper work at Global Vessels lists child’s last name as Asmani.

Abdul is an all around great kid. The first two weeks we were here he was always happy and never in need of special attention or discipline. Since then we have discovered that he is in fact a normal little boy, but he is much more discrete with his less than perfect behavior than are the others. He really gets into group singing and dancing, he loves to run and play out doors, and this boy also LUVS to eat!

Abdul is the second eldest boy and we think it was a little hard on him when three of the others got to go to school and he had to stay home with the babies. He is every bit as ready for kindergarten as anyone else. During our preschool time he is able to sit still and follow along with the group, but sometimes misses the concept of the day…all with a big smile on his face. We can often hear him in the next room singing the ABC’s to himself and just last week he made it through the difficult L-M-N-O-P part for the first time!


Dorcas William
DOB December 30, 2001

Dorcas is a loud, excitable, and happy girl. We are working on helping find her “inside voice.” She loves to make up little games and stories, and is frequently the ring leader in getting the others wound up and excited about something. She has never had a discipline problem. Most of the kids love to sing and dance, but Dori really gets into her dancing and loves to perform.

Dorcas began first grade this year and we wonder if she might have the slightest bit of anxiety about going to school. She sometimes drags her feet on the way to school or is in a very mellow mood when coming home and wants to sit in someone’s lap or receive a great deal of hugs, this is not typical for her. Her teacher mentioned that she needed a little extra help in the evenings with penmanship and addition. She looks forward to her tutoring time and even asks for it on Sundays. I think the extra difficulty comes because the teachers do not speak Swahili in class, I bet we would all have a hard time in the first grade if no one would speak to us in English!



Jacquelyn William
DOB March 25, 2003

Jackie is one of the most beautiful children there is to be seen. Her little smile is enough to light up a room. She is very sweet and truly amazed at every new thing she sees. Even if it is just a baked potato with cheese and avocado on top, she will ooohhh and ahhhh and clap her hands with delight. Although she doesn’t really misbehave, she is still a baby in the group. It can be hard for her to keep up with the big kids so she spends a fair amount of time pouting if she is not being held or getting special attention. We are really trying to ignore the pouting spells, but she is so darn cute it is hard not to pick her up!

During preschool time I am amazed at her attention span and ability to sit through a small lesson. She desperately wants to learn all of her colors, but still thinks most items are pink…

Dorcas is her older sister, but we don’t really see a special relationship between the two. They seem to mix with all of the kids as though they are siblings.


Victoria Okuma
DOB August 11, 2001

Victoria and Vivian are twin sisters and both have pretty dynamic personalities (meaning they can be extremely happy one moment and a little naughty the next). Victoria is the slightly taller and more graceful sister, she is very muscular and would make an excellent dancer. (Vivian, who is always jumping around and hanging from things, is more apt to be a fantastic gymnast.) Victoria has a big Cheshire Cat smile that can glow in the dark.

With the two eldest girls in school, Victoria has delighted in taking on their position as ‘first to answer’ in class and is even trying her hand at telling the others what to do. She is the best at English pronunciation, picking up the sounds of words very quickly. Last weekend we had prepared a couple of songs (in English) to sing in church and when the musicians handed her a microphone I cringed. I knew that she had never held one before and certainly wouldn’t know how to use it. She stood up tall and sang so clearly into that microphone I couldn’t believe it…this girl is a natural singing and dancing talent!


Vivian Okuma
DOB August 11, 2001

Victoria and Vivian are twin sisters and both have pretty dynamic personalities (meaning they can be extremely happy one moment and a little naughty the next). Vivi is very small, compact, and muscular; we think she would make a fantastic gymnast. She rarely sits upright and is always hanging from or jumping off of something like a little monkey.

Our first two weeks here we joked that Vivian was hard of hearing because whenever we called her name or asked her a question she would either ignore us and continue doing whatever it was she was doing, or look up and in her high pitched voice squeak “eh?” She enjoys being left to her serious play business of cooking ugali with rocks and dirt. She is the least apt to participate in a preschool routine, there is simply too much ugali to be cooked outside.

I think of her as such a tom-boy, but she absolutely loves to dress up and wear any sort of dress she can get her hands on. She is constantly wearing a skirt that is much too large and asking everyone around to help her tie it, pin it, belt it, or rope in onto her little body.

I call her Dudu Ndogo Angu (My Little Bug) and she thinks that is pretty funny.


Veronica Juma
DOB February 28, 2003

Vero is a beautiful meek child with a GIANT heart. I have never seen her misbehave and sometimes feel bad for her because it is the naughty ones that seem to get most of the attention. She always wants to be the one on ‘the lap’, but never kicks or bats her way into that position like the others. One time she had her food taken away for playing with it at the dinner table and it truly broker her heart. We ended up giving it right back because it is obvious through her heartfelt tears. She is not one of the more physically active or coordinated, if she had dolls I can guarantee that she would spend a lot of time caring for them.

During preschool time she is always going along with the program and was the first to really grasp the idea of ‘colors’. She has difficulty pronouncing English words, but she tries very hard. Obtaining the approval or positive reinforcement from the three of us seems to be very important to her.

We call her Na Mimi (and me, now me, my turn!) because those seem to be the first and last words out of her mouth everyday. Fortunately, she is very patient and will sit and repeat Na Mimi, Na Mimi about 10 or 20 times before her turn usually arrives.


Yasini Andrew
DOB January 15, 2004

Is this a cute kid or what!?! Yasini is a good solid boy. He loves to sit or stand in front of the stereo and listen to the same two CD’s over and over. He frequently plays by himself, singing little songs or just spending time in his imaginary world. We think it is great that he has his own little peace and does not have to be in the middle of whatever ruckus comes along with ten children.

Although he is one of the youngest left home for preschool time, he is the best at sitting upright, paying attention, waiting his turn, and participating in preschool lessons. Having these basics down, I think will do very well when he goes to school.

Because he is not outgoing or demanding he sometimes finds himself lost in the shuffle. For example, if he wakes from his nap late and comes outside to find everyone else with a snack, he will silently move to the corner and start bawling instead of asking for his share. One time we stopped and rested during a walk, after the whole group moved on down the road we realized he was still sitting (and crying) at the resting spot because he had not been specifically invited or told to resume walking. He is pretty darn cute, if these children were for adoption we would want to take Yasini home.


Enoch Godbless
DOB January 5, 2004

Although Enoch and Yasini are the same age, Enoch is the baby of the group. He has a dainty little body which has a way of moving onto your lap with out your awareness. Now that he has discovered that we will hold him….he loves to be held and asks for it frequently. The smile in this photo is a very typical, sincerely laughing Enochi.

Enochi is also a talker and not discouraged by the fact that we don’t know what he is saying most of the time. He loves to pray and we often catch him praying even before his afternoon snack. During evening prayer he asks the Lord to bless his food, and when he decides that someone else’s prayer has gone on long enough he will blurt out, ‘AMEN’ as if to say ‘Next Please.’

Enochi is not much interested in the preschool time we have each morning. There are just too many colorful and enticing objects in the Activity Room for him to put his hands on that he is very easily distracted. He loves to touch everything, and those items he has been told not to touch are that much more fun to…touch!

Enoch is always the kid with his sandals on the wrong feet.

If anyne feels moved to sponsor one of these children, for school or in life, please let us know.

Ned & Emily

OUR DAYS

So here we are at Havilah Village and we’ve committed ourselves to at least 5 months here, possibly longer if we extend our stay in Tanzania. I think I change my mind on weather or not I want to stay longer at least four times a day. There are times when the children are outside playing and are happy, the weather is nice, our chores are complete, and Emily & I can sit on the porch and enjoy the life we have here, sharing the blessing of parenting ten children. And other times we are pulling our hair out not able to keep a child from screaming her head off at night and not telling us what’s wrong. We try to have grace for the children at these moments, not knowing what backgrounds they have come from, but it can be very difficult. Our savior is Rhoda, the house mother. She is a good mother to the children; they love her and she them. And to our amazement, the children listen to her. We tell the children to go to bed and be quiet and they are running around like banshees. Rhoda tells them the same thing and they are as quiet as mice. It makes us question our fitness as parents and can be downright frustrating and demoralizing. In reality rearing children is very different in America than it is here, and our expectations of the children do not necessarily agree with how they have been taught thus far in life. It is a good learning experience for all of us.

And when we are not wrapped up in what the children are doing, it usually involves having to deal with the adults in Tanzania. As white folks, we attract a lot of attention, both good and bad. Most people want us to buy something from them or just give them money or gifts. At least a few times a week someone asks us to pay for school fees, either for their children or their own university classes. We know everyone has their own cause to support, but it is difficult for us to feel much sympathy for a 23 year old student who comes by saying “Woe is me, no one will pay for my school fees. Whatever shall I do?” How about working and saving money? Not to say that it is easy to find stable work here, but the attitude of sitting around waiting for someone to pay your way goes against the work ethic Emily & I were raised with. If a person is going to succeed, if this country is going to succeed, it is necessary for everyone to be more innovative and motivated. But of course there are many people here who are straightforward and good hearted. Unfortunately these are not always the people rushing up to us trying to become “friends.”

And finally, I never thought I would come to Tanzania and care for chickens, but recently Emily bought three chickens for the house. I’ve taken on the responsibility of fixing up the chicken coup ("house of chicken" as Baraka calls it), complete with doors and chicken wire windows, making beds with wood shavings, and buying good food (dried fish and ground maize) for them. So far we have gotten four eggs. Yum! My latest efforts are to try to train the chickens to lay their eggs inside the chicken coup rather than around the yard where we have to hunt for them and to get them to go into their house in the evening. Currently the later task involves me chasing (herding) them around for five or ten minutes. Like many things we do here, I’m going completely overboard fussing about the chickens while the locals sit back and laugh at me. Good times.

Ned